Do you recognise your self in this experience ? Letting go is rarely something that happens with the snap of your fingers. It can take years to grow into it, step by step. For me, it has unfolded over the years

Learning to let go is a theme that often returns in personal development. It is an active process that can be applied to many everyday situations as a way of staying close to yourself. The opposite movement is holding on, holding on to what is, instead of letting go and allowing space for something to change in a positive way. Holding on to how things should be, instead of letting go and seeing what is possible.

This piece is about letting go in parenting, it’s about the struggles I experienced when one of my children had to leave for boarding school as part of their vocational education. When you speak about letting go as a mother, I do remember some situations, the time my eldest left home for a four-year program. In rural France, especially without public transport, boarding school is quite common. Yet when we settled here, I was seeing everything through rose-coloured glasses, and a possibility like that had never even crossed my mind.

The sense of loss was significant. That specific situation stirred up many memories from my own school years, at a boarding school for children of inland ship families. Old emotions resurfaced. Over time, I was able to process and release much of that, and once I did, the situation became easier to handle.

A next challenge came when both of my children began living independently. They no longer came home automatically on Fridays. Deep down we know this is part of life children spreading their wings. In truth, the process of letting go begins the day your child is born.

What I had never really considered was that they might one day settle outside of France. That possibility made their absence even more tangible. I missed the routines, the jokes, the shared stories, even the small negotiations about doing the dishes, those simple, familiar details.

And at the same time, I felt reassured. Proud. Grateful — perhaps that is the right word. That they were steady enough to stand on their own feet. I felt content with my own life and the experiences that continued to teach me.

After the Covid period, I went through a serious illness and received tremendous support from everyone around me. family, friends and beyond. Fortunately, the contact restrictions had been lifted, and my children were able to be there regularly. They helped keep everything running. We even celebrated Christmas together for two years. The atmosphere was deeply positive. We were grateful and immensely relieved that the treatments had been successful.

The Christmas the year after was different. I no longer remember the exact details, only that it did not work out for us to be together on those days. Internally, I reacted very strongly. Somewhere deep inside, I must have hoped we would once again gather as before.

As far as I know that’s quite common. Most of us naturally want to hold on to what feels good and positive.

But I also realised there were choices. One of them was to shift my own attitude, to remain in the present instead of revisiting the past. To be grateful for beautiful memories without clinging to them. To ask those around me if they’d like to join and organise something together.

The result was, once again, a wonderfully joyful Christmas, this time with friends, as many as could fit around the (big) table. We simply enjoyed being together, spontaneously, in the beautiful French countryside, sitting next to a warmly decorated tree.

Because I truly enjoyed that Christmas, I realise(d) something important.

Letting go has helped me experience my life more from a sense of space, rather than from a feeling of lack.

Space that allows me to turn inward more consciously.
Space to stay connected to myself and choose what truly feels right in the moment.

I am curious whether you have ever gained insight through an event you initially experienced as difficult. If you would like to share, I would love to hear.

Thank you for reading, and until next time.

If this reflection resonates with you, you are welcome to subscribe.

Cornelia van der Ploeg

France, 2026 February

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